PTSD and THANK GOD. What success stands for?

 I notice that I have debilitated by PTSD for a long time. And it gets triggered when I am around abusive people. My mind would start to race uncontrollbly.

The good news is I do not have ptsd all the time. I have had to work on calming it down or I would have gone absolutely crazy.

I noticed a man in the laundormat today that I am using on oct 9th 2023 around 7:30am with his bike looking at the dryer the entire time and guarding it as if he feels the need to protect his clothes or from anyone else using the machine.

I have had that level of insecurity and fear for a long time. 
I thank God I actually walk away from the machines and read a book.  I am grateful for basic functions. I was fortunate enough to be able to do basic functions. Perhaps not a 100%.  But at least a higher percentage than not.

My brother in Israel was tortured for over 10 years and is unable to function like me. I am very sadden by it. I love him. I care about him. I am deeply sadden by it. He was a perfect human being filled with love, creativity and ambition.  It was severely beaten out of him in ways most cannot imagine.

I have also been abused to the levels he has for 2 years.  Those 2 years were enough to carry on for 30 plus years. It takes a long time to recover from traumas that happen in childhood. It could take a lifetime. So if you have been abused like me or my brother, don't beat yourself up for not being able to perform at higher or above average levels.

I have been very hard on myself for many years and felt not good enough or incapable. I gave up when I wanted to win. I worked hard.

Hard against myself and hard on my jobs or tasks at hand.

In a way I am grateful for my challenges because they cause me to be discaplined.  As long as I do not drown and let the challenge over take me I can succeed.

You must though take care yourself and be wise by preparing for challenges. This is crucial. Just as it is crucial to be mindful of rapid waves in the ocean that can over take you, the challenges you will face in life can take you over very quickly.

Especially in the business world.  If people that have made money being agressive to steal your money and justify it for other reasons other than stealing because they haven't truly earned to take it from you, they will.

I have dealt with shrewed business people from Asia that didn't care about my health and knew the challenges I faced had very much to do with the dysfunctions or environment they put me in.  But they were okay with putting me in environments that weren't upto par in terms of functionalities and cleaniness and when I had health challenges living in those enivronment in their mind they felt they did the right thing taking my money because they had me sign the contracts.

I call these type of people scammers.  They scam you into a deal they knew had problems and didn't disclose those problems to you while happily taking your money.

This is typical in today's world.  People loose their authenticity over money as a way to survive. But in some cases like these asian people I dealt with, they have millions of dollars and it wasn't about survival, it was about bullying.

I also had a couple that scammed me out of money. I have had other scams in the past too.

People that scam others inside are terminally ill. They are illed by greed.  Greed means being insecure about what you have and what you are capable of accomplishing that has intrinsic value. So because they cannot believe in real success which has nothing to do with money but providing real products and services that make a difference to true satisfaction, they will always confuse money generating income with reality of what this world is about.

People get blinded by their fears. They get blinded by their gains. They get blinded by appearing mean and pretending to be nice in order to be mean.

It is a vicicious cycle where everyone hates and "loves" one another because of money.  Money controls them. 

Money tells them to be happy. Money tells them to be SAD.

I live out of my car and experience discomfort sleeping with very little money and STILL be happy and have the mindset of authentic success.

Being a winner is giving others the ability to win with you.

Success is a universal language. 

To be continued and shared....

8:17am 10.09.23